Sometimes the Brave thing to do is to ask for Help

I went back and forth for a long time over whether I should write this post. After all, this blog is supposed to be about miniatures, right? Except you might have noticed that I don't approach my blog that way. I have several reasons for this. For one, art, including the art of miniatures, does not exist in a vacuum. What I create comes out of who I am as a person. And what has made me into who I am today is rich, varied, complicated and deeply personal. As personal as I do tend to get on my blog, I don't share EVERYTHING :)

But what was I saying? Asking for help. In Western society we are taught that we need to be strong and independent. Asking for or even requiring help is a sign of weakness. Well, I am here to tell you, that to use my favourite British cuss word, that is simply bollocks. It takes tremendous courage and humility to ask for help. For years I was a perfectionist, determined to fight my demons and my illness on my own. That didn't work so well for me. I have come to believe there is a kind of hubris in refusing to accept help. There are two parts to this. We are part of a huge, living, breathing, loving organism that is constantly interacting with itself. To imagine we can exist on our own is stubborn pride, pure and simple. And I am telling you this with pure compassion because the only reason I know this is because I fight against this pride as frequently as any other human. The second part of my hubris argument is that by allowing others to help us, we are giving them a huge gift. We may feel like we are being a huge burden but that's not so. If you need help, find the right place, and you will find plenty of compassionate folk who will be happy to help you, and find it a blessing to be of service.

So I will tell you a brief version of the story. After a year of resisting the idea that I needed more support, structure and assistance, I checked myself into the hospital for two weeks to get help for the chronic illness I have battled for over a decade. It was the best thing I've ever done. It was pure relief. I felt such compassion for the other patients there, all fighting their own battles with the limited resources they had, with all the humour and dignity they could muster. I found that having compassion for them allowed me to have more compassion for myself.

For the next six months I will be participating in some very intense out patient treatment that will help me learn some coping skills for dealing with my illness. I'm exactly where I need to be, and where I want to be. I'll be blogging as much as I can, and will be keeping up with my miniature projects as I can as well. You can definitely expect some action from me on both fronts, since I enjoy both activities immensely. My friends, you have been beacons of light for me during the past year, at times when I thought the darkness would engulf me. I am grateful for each and everyone of you. I have not had an easy time of it since the first whispers of this illness began in my teens, but I wouldn't change a thing, since it brought me here, and here is a good place to be.

XOXO

Ruth

~What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.
T. S. Eliot 

Jazzi's Christmas in July Presents!

I was very happy to have the wonderful Jazzi herself as my swap partner for the Christmas in July swap that she organized. I have been away, and away from the internet. I arrived home last night to discover some wonderful treats awaiting me.

I told Jazzi that I'm going to be doing a Christmas Kitchen scene and will be participating in the Mini Wiki Treasures Yearly Advent calendar (I was supposed to be in it last year but real life got in the way, as it so often does.) Buzz off real life! :P

Without further ado, here are Jazzi's wonderful creations, which were made from found objects.

I love the little pillows ! The rest of the things will be great for a Christmas scene.

I am usually a total blabbermouth whenever I post, but again, I've been dealing with that pesky old thing called Real Life so I'm actually quite bushed! I have decided to close my Etsy shop right now because I don't want anything to sell, I'm saving it for the show and sale in September (15th), but who's counting? Probably not only me!

I hope wherever you are and whatever you're doing, my dear readers, you are safe, happy and enjoying the blessings of friends and family.

XOXO

Ruth

Winner of the daily craft tv and a link for my fellow crafty folk!

The winner of the daily craft TV giveaway is....Indy Poppy!! Congratulations and come on down to claim your prize. Email me for Eric Wolf's contact details so he can give you a coupon code and you can choose a video to watch online for free!

I will leave you with a final crafty link that looks like a lot of fun. It's the Craftster.org 10th anniversary, and they are celebrating with a plethora of challenges. I took part in their Bath and Beauty challenge last winter and had a lot of fun with it.

Here is the link for the Craftser.org fabulous 10th anniversary celebration!

That's all folks!

I did it I did it I have a facebook page!

It's in the middle of the night and I finally got those social media icons to work. Later in the week I will be doing the draw for daily craft tv. I forgot about it again! Shame on me.
This is probably the shortest post I've ever written because I'm so tired of staring google search for "free social media icons". I wrote a tut about it awhile back, filed under Blogging tips.
Night all,
Ruth

I won a beautiful Miniature Wedding Dress for Felma's June Giveaway

She included some lovely perfume bottles, which I arranged with some lace in a small tray I had in my "tickle trunk" and displayed them

For those of you not acquainted with Felma's lovely Blog  Dollhouse Miniatures by Felma you must pop by for a visit. If you pay close attention, I would even mark it on your Calendar, she gives away one of her beautiful miniature gowns every single month.
I'm going to go off on a tangent, but after rereading what actually became the bulk of my post, it actually has everything to do with why I became a Miniature Artisan. So please, bear with me. NOTHING is too small to pray about. I pray about everything, and I mean everything. I pray for help in finding a parking spot, I pray for calm and assistance in that God will ensure that things will work out when I am dealing with a rude and difficult government clerk, postal worker, plumber, the list goes on. About a year ago, I started keeping lists and praying even more in earnest. I prayed that I would find work and be successful at a job that I was passionate about. I started keeping a list every month of my prayers and goals. Even I was amazed at what started happening. If you have been following along with my journey on Miniature Maven Diaries, I think you will agree, that as hard as this year has been for me, in many ways (God never promised us an easy life, in fact I think he pretty much promised us exactly the opposite), that miracles happen every day.


I started noticing, as I looked back through my journals, that help was being offered. I won 3 blogger giveaways in a row. (Starting with Jane's, from Minifanaticus, followed quickly by Drora's, then Jen's February giveaway at Plushy Cat Blog). I continued to be offered amazing help and opportunities presented themselves. My Dad offered to build me shadow boxes where I am planning to display miniature scenes that I will customize for my customers. He also dove into carpentry as a hobby with great enthusiasm when he retired. He astounded me a couple of weeks ago when he told me he is planning to build 12 display shelves based on the one that I found at an antique shop two years ago. I can charge between $80-100 for these at the Miniature Show and Sale, and tell my customers they can order more from me. He is also planning to make empty shadow boxes for customers, which I can sell at the mini show for $50 dollars each. Did I mention he only wants to recoup the costs of the wood he is buying to make these things? He wants me to keep the profits, because he has watched me fight to stay employed, and eventually give up and admit that I had to go on disability because I could not hold down a regular full time or even part time job. Since his offer, the local art supply store where I go to buy most of my supplies (to avoid Michaels Craft Stores, because I personally loathe that place), offered to display my miniatures. If I sell my work, they will take a 20% commission, which is a very generous offer.

 I have actually had an extremely stressful month, which has included several very serious health issues, and there are many times when I have wanted to give up and just rest for awhile. But if I look at the big picture, my prayers have been answered in so many ways. I owe it to God, or the universe, not to mention the huge number of people whose prayers and support I have asked for over past year (and been given) to keep at it. This post is a reminder (if you're feeling discouraged) to keep at it. There is no doubt I have struggled, felt despair, wanted to give up. For over a decade I have fought with every ounce of strength I could muster with a very difficult illness. My grandmother that the same illness, and she didn't survive it. I've known of and seen many others who have been swallowed my this dark beast of an illness. Everyone tells me I'm a fighter. Even when I've been at my lowest point, I think there has always a tiny glimmer of that stubborn fighter inside me that refuses to sucumb to despair, and won't give up until I find what I have spent so long searching for: peace, a life filled with meaning, and eventually, I am going to become an advocate for this illness. I learned have how to navigate the health system and the extremely aggravating government run disability system, where the staff often treat you like you have the intelligence of a gnat. Advocating for yourself  is a learned skill, that others need to be taught. There have been many times when I have been so angry that I have spent so much time struggling with being sick and feeling helpless. Eventually, I want to channel that anger into energy that will help me teach others to help themselves.

As always, I feel honored that you have taken the time to read my blog and for all of you who leave such kind and loving comments each time I post.

XOXO

Ruth

I won the Liebster Blog Award!

Audra is my lovely friend who writes the thought provoking blog Through The Ever Changing Lense. She has awarded me the Liebster Blogging award, and I am very pleased and proud. She includes quotes (one of my favorite things!) and thoughts about the writing life, as she is working on her second novel.
When you are awarded the Liebster award, you must do several things. I've seen the rules vary slightly on different  blogs, but it doesn't bother me!

In accordance with the rules for nominees of this award, I will...

• link back to my nominator's blog 
• answer the questions provided by my nominator 
• nominate 5-11 blogs that have less than 200 followers
• create 11 questions of my own to be answered by my nominees, and
• contact my nominees to let them know that they've been nominated.

I am nominating these five wonderful bloggers!

Maureen, of St. Albert Mini Maureen is what I call a quiet force of good. She has been a winner of the wiki mini treasures award for two years in a row because of the amount of content she has added to the site ( a boon for those new to miniatures) and the first year she was nominated she didn't even know until I told her! She doesn't add to the pages expecting recognition or acclaim. She simply wants to help out beginners. I have been a lucky recipient of her kindness, generosity, and mini knowledge. Not only a fellow Canadian but also a member of the Miniature Enthusiasts Club of Edmonton.

Marissa of Steinworks Blog. Marissa became a friend through email last winter when I had the worst neighbour of all time. (Think you had a worse one? I  dare you to prove it. I got ourse evicted but it took time.) My Papa was dying at the same time and Marissa's emails kept me going. We created a hilarious narrative describing my horrible neighbour which also features some of her more odious coworkers. Marissa's miniature scenes are brilliant and the narrative style on her blog is witty and self deprecating, it keeps her followers coming back for more.

Sarah of Amber's House. She is a newbie Miniaturist Blogger whose blog is full of tutorials. She is obviously a very talented miniaturist.

My dear friend Michelle. We went to highschool together and both started our blogs around the same time so we became each other's first followers. The subject matter of our blogs is quite different. Her blog Growing Patience, Dreaming Big was about her incredibly brave struggle with infertility. Her fertility doctor gave her a 3 % of conceiving a second child. I gave her a big pep talk and reminded her that doctor's are not God's nor can they predict the future. I am very happy to say she delivered a healthy baby girl in February. I'm giving the nursury roombox I've been working on and off since last fall to her to her in August. I can't wait to get to Calgary so I can meet baby Nyah in person, and visit my beloved friend Michelle and deliver her roombox. We were a huge support to each other as I strived to believe in my dream (making money at making miniatures) and she strived to achieve hers.

Brini's Doll DomainBrini's Doll Domain is Fun, Modern and Fabulous! She writes solely about black dolls, as a celebration of her own Ethnicity, which I think is pretty frickin' cool. Stop by for her frequent posts that include pictures of dioramas she set up, complete with dialog! Brini's huge heart and willingness to feel life's deepest emotions and move through them is what first drew me to her blog. I liked what I read, now I'm a fan!

Two Lillies and Fairies: a Tale of Minis I love the concept behind Chris' blog, which she started up not too long ago. She and her sister and niece are all blogging together as their Lily is slowly being built. They are separated by 3,750 miles. I know I'm looking to forward to following along with them on their adventure.

 Here are Audra's Question's for me:

1. If you could list just 3 things that make you happy, what would they be? 

making miniatures (try and stifling your gasp of surprise)

reading a really good novel

spending time by the ocean

2. Would you characterize yourself as more of an extrovert or an introvert?

introvert with a very silly side and a very bawdy sense of humour who is also a blabbermouth around my closests friends, so remember all introverts are definitely not quiet, sweet and innocent3. What has been your greatest challenge in life thus far?

4. If you enjoy reading, what are your favorite book genres?

I can't narrow it down to a genre because I read such a wide variety and it changes from year to year. I enjoy mysteries, fantasy novels, some science fiction a lot of non fiction on any topic that grabs my attention like gender studies, autobiography, addiction, soap making, spirituality, economics, birth order, you name it, I've probably read at least an article about it!

5. Is the glass half-empty or half-full?

I strive for half-full, but it's a struggle6. Who has inspired you most?

Can't pick just one person. Martha Beck, who wrote the searingly honest memoirs Leaving the Saints and Expecting Adam. 
7. Where is home for you? I feel like I'm still searching for a home. We've lived in Edmonton since 2000. It is home in many ways. Calgary, my own home town, is a fun place to visit, but it's not home anymore. I think we'll probably move again and settle somewhere else since my husband has a Forrestry Degree, and we're just waiting for the Housing Industry in the states to bounce back so that he can find a Forrestry job in Canada (Exporting lumber to the U.S. comprises the majority of the Canadian Forrestry Industry).
8. When was the last time you cried? Just now. I was talking to my Dad on the phone.
9. When was the last time you laughed? This afternoon. Talking to my friend on the phone. We were joking about how most men need very specific step by step explanations whereas women are much more intuitive. If you sound angry or sarcastic they will immediately say, "What's wrong?" Heck, they don't even need to hear you say anything! They can tell by the look on your face.  
10. Are your friends also your family members, or are your family members also your friends, or both? That's pretty complicated to answer. They are both, but there are times when I would like to strangle them. And I mean that in the most loving way possible :)
11. How would you spend your last day on Earth if given the opportunity? I would spend the day with my closest friends and family (including my husbands, I love all of them.) I would share special times with those closest to me. We would eat marvellous food. We would be right on the ocean.

Here are my 11 questions for my 11 nominees:
1. What's the first thing you do up each morning?
2. Last thing you do before going to bed?
3. What keeps you sane?
4. What drives you crazy?
6. What couldn't you live without?
7. If you could relive one day of your life, what would it be?
8.If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?
9. If you had enough money to build your dream house, what would it be like?
10. What's your favorite holiday?  
11. What is your earliest childhood memory?

Okay, I have to say, that whole process took a lot longer than I expected! It was hard to find blogs with less than 200 followers, and get in touch with my choices for nominees! After two (or three days of waiting to publish this post, I haven't heard back from some of the blogs I nominated, but I don't think they'll mind getting an award, and if they do, I don't mind taking down the links to their blogs and choosing someone else. Do I overthink every little decision and over analyze things way too much. Why yes, I believe so. If I knew how to stop, boy would I ever. Actually, I am actively searching for strategies for how to stop, I'm even getting referred to some group therapy regarding this exact subject. Well, I am completely bushed and headed for bed.
G'night all
XOXO
Ruth

Full Circle

My parents are getting ready to travel across the country by car to Vancouver, British Columbia and pack up my Papa's things, distribute them among my Dad and his two Sisters, put some in storage and donate some I believe. Real life has been fairly overwhelming lately so I didn't ask my Dad a lot of details about everything that was being done with my late Papa's things. His house sold last month, after being on the market for only a week. It sold for a little over a million dollars. That's Vancouver real estate for you.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with Canadian Geography, Vancouver is probably one of the most enviable cities in Canada to live, and the most expensive. I read in a National magazine a couple of magazine that it was one of the most desirable cities to live in Canada, or was it North America? I forget. Our dear Elizabeth, who writes the lovely Studeo E Blog, lives there. It is a city I know very well. I spend many summers there as a child. We made the 16 hour road trip from our hometown in Calgary, Alberta (on the praries) in our wood panelled station wagon, which was packed with our parents and myself, my sister, brother, as many books and toys as could be crammed in, and two car top carriers! How did our parents ever have the patience? I remember one summer my brother and I (he is six years younger) merrily sang repetitive songs for hours. Perhaps my parents were wearing ear plugs? I know they were two safety conscious to have a secret flask of whiskey....

But I digress. I have been having a hard time for several months, although I've been trying to distract myself. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that my Papa's birthday was on July 4th. The last time I visited him was on his 97th birthday, last summer. He was very frail, but delighted when I surprised him with my first ever miniature project, a room box I made for him as a birthday present. I knew deep down is was the last time I would ever see him. For ten years I had been preparing myself that any time I saw him could be the last. I was thrilled that he came to my wedding in 2004. I know my sister was delighted when he was able to attend hers a couple of years ago. For years he seemed to defy the odds. He remarried in his late 80s. He and his second wife travelled the world, volunteered, welcomed great grandchildren, honestly, I had a hard time keeping up with the two of them. I loved watching them together.

The last time I saw my Grandpa, he put on a good face for his wife Ruth and his children, joking that he had to live to 100 so that he could get a letter from the queen, but I could tell he knew he didn't have much time left. When we were alone he spoke of how lucky he was, that he had been blessed with a good life. He told me I shouldn't be sad, that death is a natural part of life. He said he wasn't scared to die, he knew he was going to heaven, and he was looking forward to seeing Nana, who passed away when I was 13, and Trevor, his nephew who passed away at a young age from leukemia.

One of the things that remains with me about the week I spent with him is how celebratory the mood was. While I was there I looked through a photo album that had been put together of his 90th birthday. It was a huge album, that had been held at their local church hall. He had worn a green bow tie (in honor of his Irish heritage) and given a speech. Many others has spoken, telling funny stories and taking about his integrity, sense of honor and contributions to the community. I love the last picture in that photo album. It's a picture of him with a dustpan and broom, cleaning up at the end of the broom. It sums up his character and personality. He didn't believe getting old earned him the right to sitting down or a break from clean up duty.

Since turning 97, he wasn't comfortable in large groups. But that didn't mean no celebrations were planned! We would have 4 dinners to accomodate my Dad's family, who had travelled to Edmonton for the occasion, my Granpa's niece and her daughter, and my stepgrandma's two sons and their wives.

It was the most fun I had in ages. Stories were told. Jokes were told, and they became more and more inappropriate as the evening wore on. On one evening I laughed until my sides hurt as my step grandma's Ruth's son told story after story about how they travelled as a family to Europe in the sixties. Back then it was not commonplace for families to sight see in Europe. Billy, the youngest, was bored and caused all sorts of trouble to stir up a bit of excitement. One day they he was sitting parked in their rented van outside the Vatican and he thought it would be fun to release the Emergency brake while the rest of the family (I think there were at least 7 of them all together) and the van happened to be on a hill.
His embarrassed parents hustled the rest of the children into the van while a disapproving priest looked on. Another day they were in a theme park and met another family they knew. There was a big gang of adults and kids and he got lost in the fray. Apparently he wandered around lost by himself for several hours, fairly unconcerned. And his parents, too, didn't panic. Maybe they would relieved at getting a break from their, um, feisty son!

I wasn't able to go to my Papa's funeral when he passed away peacefully in a hospice on December 10th, and I think that's just as well. I'd rather remember him the way I left him last June. Laughing, joyful, at peace, and reminding me that death is a part of the great adventure we are all on. When I go to Calgary at the end of July to visit my parents I will pick up the roombox I gave my Grandpa. I've decided I will add to it, bit by bit. A picture of the two of us, shrunk down and mounted on the wall. He wrote his memoirs and had them bound. I'll shrink down that and include it. I'll build a simple bookcase and fill it with miniature copies of his favorite books. Perhaps I'll put together a miniature family photo album. I'll add more as the spirit moves me.

This morning was the first time I acknowledged to my husband that I'm doing a lot of grieving for my Papa this month, I spoke of how much having him in my life has given me a sense of love of belonging and my belief that once this gift of love is given it cannot be taken away, even after a loved one dies. I became choked up and cried a bit, but they were healing tears. I have always thought that we grief in stages. I started grieving when I first planned to visit him last summer, and I am still grieving. I think I will never stop grieving, but I think as time goes on, that grieving can take on a sense that is mostly full of love and joy, with only a tinge of sadness. I think I have quoted this poem before on here, but it's my favorite, and I have new followers, and it's my blog so I can do what I want to ha ha.