Followers

Sunday 18 August 2013

Sometimes the Brave thing to do is to ask for Help

I went back and forth for a long time over whether I should write this post. After all, this blog is supposed to be about miniatures, right? Except you might have noticed that I don't approach my blog that way. I have several reasons for this. For one, art, including the art of miniatures, does not exist in a vacuum. What I create comes out of who I am as a person. And what has made me into who I am today is rich, varied, complicated and deeply personal. As personal as I do tend to get on my blog, I don't share EVERYTHING :)

But what was I saying? Asking for help. In Western society we are taught that we need to be strong and independent. Asking for or even requiring help is a sign of weakness. Well, I am here to tell you, that to use my favourite British cuss word, that is simply bollocks. It takes tremendous courage and humility to ask for help. For years I was a perfectionist, determined to fight my demons and my illness on my own. That didn't work so well for me. I have come to believe there is a kind of hubris in refusing to accept help. There are two parts to this. We are part of a huge, living, breathing, loving organism that is constantly interacting with itself. To imagine we can exist on our own is stubborn pride, pure and simple. And I am telling you this with pure compassion because the only reason I know this is because I fight against this pride as frequently as any other human. The second part of my hubris argument is that by allowing others to help us, we are giving them a huge gift. We may feel like we are being a huge burden but that's not so. If you need help, find the right place, and you will find plenty of compassionate folk who will be happy to help you, and find it a blessing to be of service.

So I will tell you a brief version of the story. After a year of resisting the idea that I needed more support, structure and assistance, I checked myself into the hospital for two weeks to get help for the chronic illness I have battled for over a decade. It was the best thing I've ever done. It was pure relief. I felt such compassion for the other patients there, all fighting their own battles with the limited resources they had, with all the humour and dignity they could muster. I found that having compassion for them allowed me to have more compassion for myself.

For the next six months I will be participating in some very intense out patient treatment that will help me learn some coping skills for dealing with my illness. I'm exactly where I need to be, and where I want to be. I'll be blogging as much as I can, and will be keeping up with my miniature projects as I can as well. You can definitely expect some action from me on both fronts, since I enjoy both activities immensely. My friends, you have been beacons of light for me during the past year, at times when I thought the darkness would engulf me. I am grateful for each and everyone of you. I have not had an easy time of it since the first whispers of this illness began in my teens, but I wouldn't change a thing, since it brought me here, and here is a good place to be.

XOXO

Ruth

~What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.
T. S. Eliot 

31 comments:

  1. I'm glad you shared with your blog friends how you are feeling. It's not always about the minis we make sometimes we have just got to get things out of our head and onto paper (or blog) and share our stories. I'm glad your treatment went well.
    Hugs.
    IndyPoppy

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    1. Thanks Indy :) That was the most nerve wracking post I have ever written. I have essentially committed to making some huge changes in how I behave and choose to react to the hand life has dealt me, and any change causes anxiety and ambivalence, so matter how much we seek it or desire it.
      Hugs,
      Ruth

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  2. Hi Ruth! What a great story and how inspirational and therapeutic as well. I believe that you are right in what you say about having to always appear to be strong. We give false information when we do that because we can't do Everything can we? There are people with skills and capabilities that are waiting to to be used but if we say that we don't need the help we deny them the gifts that they have been given and their subsequent benefit to us. I know a lady who recently checked into a facility to help her with her physical addiction to pain killers, having suffered from a difficult illness for many many years and which had finally boxed her into a corner. It wasn't easy for her to ask for the help but when she did, her life began to to improve and slowly move forward until she was able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. If she hadn't sought the help, her battle would have eventually just worn her out, physically, emotionally and spiritually. "Ask and ye shall receive, seek, and ye shall find, knock and the door shall be opened unto you." I believe that Jesus was right!

    elizabeth

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    1. That's great that your friend got help Elizabeth! I truly believe it's never too late for anyone, as long as they have the desire to change and are determined to stick it out through the inevitable anxieties and scary stages of changing long standing behaviors. I have been taken aback by my own strong resistance to changing habits I desperately want to get rid of. We cling to what feels comfortable even when we know it no longer serves us. I'm coming to Galliano next summer! I'm sure I can find the time to visit my favourite blogging friend in Vancouver :P The next time you see your friend who bravely sought help for her pain killer addiction, tell her I'm rooting for her :)
      XOXO
      Ruth

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    2. Ruth how marvelous! I shall look forward to getting together for a good visit! hmmmmm? Next summer? That means that I had better start cleaning up around here! It will take me an entire year to make this space decent! hahahha
      ( and yes, I will tell her that people do care, as emotional support is vital to continued recovery )

      elizabeth

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    3. I have so much to be grateful for and look forward to over the coming year! Since I'm coming in about a year that gives me a year to plan a mini gift for you...
      I can't wait to be back on the west coast. Part of my soul never leaves there. The day program I'm attending at the hospital is giving me a safe place to grieve for my Grandpa, which is helping immensely. I feel so much less alone. Support is vital to recovering from the ordinary, tragic losses that make up a life.

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  3. I can after a year in miniature blog land, note that there are very many people who have great daily challenges. We are doing our Challenges in different ways, some are silent some are open. It is so important that you can get help and ask for help. It sounds like you're a really good place now. You have taken a big step. I wish you good luck in the future and wish you all the best.
    Hugs and kisses
    Wyrna

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    1. You live on the other side of the world Wyrna but you are such a gentle soul with the spirit of a healer <3. Maybe we will never meet in person but your words of encouragement mean the world to me.
      XOXO
      Ruth

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  4. Dear Ruth,
    What a great blog entry, thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings with all of us. I couldn't agree with you more; we're all part of a greater organism and I couldn't imagine living in solitair. A big thumbs up for you, keep up the positive thinking and I know for a fact you'll achieve your goals. I'll be thinking of you!
    Hugs,
    Peggy

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    1. Aww....Thanks Peggy. That means a lot. I continue to risk opening up and sharing the intimate details of my life because of the overwhelming support that pours in from my followers. It really seems to resonate with people.
      Xoxo
      Ruth

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  5. how this struck a cord with me, for years I managed until finally I had to have help and what a relief, one of the things I battled with and to many this may be sill, but getting about on my own, every time I used my wheelchair I used to say sorry when I wanted to stop to look at something, then I got my mobility scooter and independence is mine again, yes it is hard to ask for help but usually others just want to be asked, thank you for sharing with us your thoughts,x

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    1. Debbie my love, I thought of you as I wrote this post, when I first starting composing it in my head I planned to mention you directly and talk about how inspiring I've always found your blog. Then writing the post was so exhausting I forgot to include you. I started following it almost right after I started my own blog, and always admired how frankly and honestly you spoke about your illness. It gave me hope. I was delighted and honored when you started following my blog! Remember, you are strong, beautiful and courageous. You have taken the adversity that you live with and turned it into something beautiful.
      Many Hugs and Kisses,
      Ruth

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  6. Ruth, I've going to give you a giant virtual hug: ((((Ruth)))).

    You are absolutely right that it takes tremendous courage and humility to ask for help. I, too, have been asking for help over the past several weeks, for similar reasons, I'm sure.

    I'm happy to hear that you're taking care of yourself. I'm doing by best to do the same. It's not easy by any means. I know that you know this. And I know that you know you're not alone, but it bears repeating: You are by no means alone. If you'd like to continue emailing each other for mutual support, I'm available.

    - Audra ♥

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    1. How do you feel about snail mail Audra? I'm trying to spend less time online. We can definitely exchange the occasional email, but I find I am so exhausted and overwhelmed dealing with all the change and emotional work. (Not to mention working on my miniatures business which is starting to take off). I still would love to do the bookclub for two, when the time is right.
      And I'd like to connect via google + hangout occasionally if you're up for it.
      xoxo
      Ruth

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    2. Snail mail is fine with me. I'll email you my address. I hardly ever use Google+ so I'm not quite up to speed on which features are available and how to use them. I'm trying to spend less time online, as well.

      Your future penpal,
      Audra ♥

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  7. You're brave to share, Ruth, and I'm so proud of you for doing it. Congrats for making the choice you did--you sound like you're really in a good place now and on the road to better and brighter. xo Jennifer

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    1. Thanks Jennifer, it's always nice to be reminded that I'm being brave, and that you're proud of me. I know with my head that I'm brave, but often feel just the opposite. I had the misfortune to be dumped by my entire group of friends when my illness was at its worst. Those friends weren't evil or even bad. I was certainly devastated, hurt and angry at the time and for quite a while found it hard to find anything to feel proud about. I feel more compassion for those friends now. I still don't care for the way they acted, but I think they were young, scared and immature more than anything. And in the end I concluded they were no great loss. I eventually discovered a much richer life peopled with beautiful, compassionate people like you :) Sometimes our old selves literarily have to die before a new, more magnificent self can be born. Because we hate change most of us cling to the old self with a death grip, no matter how uncomfortable or painful that life has become.

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  8. Dear Ruth, you are very brave to come out and share your feelings and thoughts with us. Crafting miniatures can be a lonely occupation but blogging about it and getting to know our blog friends is the reward. Comments and feedbacks are what we all need. I'll be here for you
    as long as you want me to.
    Hugs, Drora

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    1. Thanks Drora,
      I always look forward to the loving words of support you leave in response to each and every post I write <3. I consider you my adopted Russian Grandma, since I lost my Paternal Grandma at age 13 and my Maternal Grandma at age 16.
      If you ever visit Canada, you will be a welcome visitor with my family.
      Xoxo
      Ruth

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  9. Ruth
    sometimes the hardest thing to do is to share with others mostly because of fear and partly because of shame if you let those two go it's amazing what you can accomplish. I'm so proud of you for sharing and I know you will come through this.

    Beastie Hugs
    Marisa :)

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    1. Dear Marisa,
      I consider you a sister of my heart. You have been there for me throughout one of the most difficult periods of my life. You are one of the most brave, funniest, resilient, beautiful woman I know.
      Love always,
      Ruth

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  10. That's great. How you asked for help, and got it!! Hope this good feeling about it will last =) Take care! Hannah

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    1. Thanks Hannah <3 Every kind word of support from my lovely blog mates makes me feel stronger. I have no doubt that a lot of hard work is ahead. Right now I'm attending a program that runs Monday to Thursday, 11 to noon, and I come home exhausted. Soon (in a month, maybe? Although it could be sooner) I will be transitioning to a Day program that lasts 18 weeks and runs from 9-3pm, Monday to Thursday. It's like having a full time job. But I am so ready to do the work. I say, bring it!! I may be scared, but the idea of doing nothing is even scarier.
      XOXO
      Ruth

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  11. Kudos for you for taking control of your healing! It is exciting to know there is relief and a goal to get better!

    I like the quote by TS Eliot also.

    Here's to a growth!

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    1. Thanks grandmommy! I love that quote too! I found it on a pamphlet at the hospital called "The layers of Grief" It had a cheesy picture of an onion prominently displayed on the front but there was lots of good stuff in that pamphlet :P
      XOXO
      Ruth

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  12. Now you can see just how many people really will be there for you. And that's just a small portion. People are good, very good despite what you here in the media. I think people in the miniature world are the most compassionate people. I'm so happy you are traveling on a new road now. May it lead you to a wonderful place of recovery!
    big hugs and continued prayers to you sweet Ruth,
    Caroline

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    1. Yes, I feel very blessed by the friends I have made in the miniature community. I agree that they have huge hearts. And I have made several wonderful friends at home at home too. I think I know what to look for. I stay away from anyone that gossips or is obsessed with appearances. Those people don't stick around when things get tough.
      Prayers to you too lovely Caroline
      XX
      Ruth

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  13. I'm so glad you found the support you need and the strength to take control away from your illness and put it back in your own hands. You're definitely a strong individual and I have every faith in you. Best of luck with your journey as move forward and into life and happiness.

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  14. Thank you for those beautiful words of love and support Rebecca. I could say many of the same things about you. I just started this journey and I've already fallen flat on my face several time, but when that happens you get yourself back up, dust yourself off, and hopefully turn it into a joke eventually!
    XOXO
    Ruth

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  15. I'm so happy to hear that YOU knew when to reach out. It is very hard to ask for help without feeling like a burden but as you can you are a winner hand down.

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    1. Thanks Brini :) I'm only in the tiny wading pool area of the getting help and I feel ready to flee :P First you have to work up the courage to ask for help, then sticking it out through the rough patches without running away like your pants are on fire continues to be the hardest thing I've ever done. And I get to start the whole process again each day!

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